Okay, Listen Here

Okay, Listen Here

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Always Wanted To Be a Superhero!

I always wanted to be a superhero...

Some necks are long, reaching up to the sky or beyond.

Some necks are short, almost non-existent peepers in a tort.

Some necks are made of rubber.  Some are made of glass, sure to appease wine lovers.

"Those bottles would be better with rum in them!"

Yes, Jack.  I'm trying to explain some news I just got.  You see, my neck is a simple flesh and blood neck, albeit a neck with superior strength and skill.  And my neck has been found to bend the strongest steel known to man... titanium... twice.  I really am a superhero!!!

Look up in the sky.  It's a black shredded sail.  Look up in the rigging.  "Barbossa, you really should do something about the size of your spyglass."  

I set off to fill said bottles with rum.  Captain Jack and Will Turner peer closer...

"Avast!"  Jack's eye narrows as he takes in my humble form.  He leans closer to Will.  "I thought it was bigger."

"No.  No," Will assures him.  "It's quite normal."

Confident now, Jack moves in closer.  He flips my handkerchief and sniffs my neck.  His lip curls boldly and his brow cocks quizzically.  "It's not even as big as an NFL football player's.  Normal, you say?"

"I have it on good authority, she has used it wisely, or unwisely, as it were," Will says.

Jack fingers his flouncy cuffs, pockets the spyglass, looks me up and down, and then turns back to Will.  "You think it's safe?  They say she's got two screws loose."

"Broken actually.  I've seen two sets of xrays to prove it."

"Broken you say?"  Jack leans back and studies my neck.  "So you've got two broken screws in your neck, mate, and your head hasn't fallen off?"

Finally feeling visible, I roll my eyes.  "That's what they tell me."

Jack turns to Will.  "How is it even possible to get two wooden screws in your neck?  Were you involved in a ship wreck?  Did you get caught in a broadside?"

"Nothing like that, Jack.  A doctor put them there."

"The sawbones?  Hogs and swallows!  On purpose?" 

"I may have been ferrying the dead for the past ten years, but I even I know that's how they do things these days, Jack.  And they're not wooden," Will reminds him.  "Titanium."

"Tity what?"

"Titanium," I say.

Jack leans close and sniffs my neck once again.  He nods, then recoils.  "It must be a result of the black spot.  Boot Strap would know.  Go ask him," he orders Will.  "Savvy?"

"This isn't a byproduct of the black spot.  For some unknown reason two titanium screws broke in my neck."

Jack's brows furrow together.  "And without any rum?"

Thanks to Jack and Will, I'm having fun with this terrible news.  Looks like I have another surgery in store.  But when?  With a book deadline in sight (Yay!!!  I'm happy to say so!), my children home for Christmas, a new grandbaby on the way and more books to write, I'm not eager to set a date.

News that I'm a superhero has really put a kink in my plans.  When have you gotten bad news that totally screwed (pardon the pun) your schedule?

 Katherine Bone
DUKE BY DAY, ROGUE BY NIGHT 10/29 Crimson Romance



  1. This was hilarious, Katherine! Great post! I haven't gotten total-schedule-screwing news, but summer is always my least productive time because the kiddo is out of school, etc. etc.

    1. I'm so glad you got a kick out of this post, Kristina! Gotta find the funny. ;)

      Summers with kids always pose problems to scheduled plans but I did love having my children around me. Well, until they started fighting, that is. Lol!!!

  2. SO sorry to hear about your neck, Kathy. :( But you're handling it with grace and humor. With everything you've got going on, I can imagine it's hard to find a time to schedule in that surgery. Can it wait until after your book release?

    ~Angela Blount

    1. Thanks for commenting, RedPeril!! I appreciate you!! I haven't decided on when to have surgery yet, but I hope to wait until after my book release. Right now it just depends on how well I can manage the pain. Got some great pain pills, which, if you ask me, must have been made with rum. They're mighty darn good and that is where my compass points now. Muahahaha!

  3. Hahaha....You're crazy! Love the humor of it all, so sad that it's for real, though. Wish it could be a very simple speedy procedure...like with a Super Hero Doctor! :D

    1. Oh, Lesia!!! You know I've got to put my own spin on this in order to stay sane. LOL!!!

      And yes, a Super Hero Doctor will be a great plus!!!

  4. Replies
    1. Healing powers would definitely come in handy about now. ;)

  5. Hysterical post, Kathy! I'm so sorry about your neck, though. Thinking of you. The most recent schedule-screwing news would have to be my mother breaking her shoulder...emergency room visit, doctor visits, and therapy sessions requiring my transportation assistance. BUT she is on the mend and driving herself now.

    1. Thanks for seeing the hysteria and going with it, Crystal!!!

      Hoping your mom is continuing to heal and get more comfortable. The hardest part about feeling blah is never getting comfortable or being able to really give your body a rest. Hugs!! Cause I know you're not feeling well too and you've been going back and forth to help your mother. ;)