Creepy Monkey Business

We all have things that creep us out. For me it's ocean liners with big anchors, giant insects, and images of people—be it dolls, pictures, or little knickknacks—without faces. Especially eyes. I can't explain it, especially the ocean liners. I've never even been on one. I have to look away if I see one on television.

Anyway. My friend, Mr. Precious, can't stand pictures of animals wearing clothes. And he's a tough guy. He hunts panthers with his bare teeth and a fork. But heaven help him if he ever runs up on a panther wearing a turtleneck.

I love monkeys. (This is not as much of a subject change as it seems. It's back story, something I am not usually allowed to have.) The monkeys I love are not the diaper wearing, I Am Going To Live With You Until I Decide to Eat Your Face variety. The monkeys I love are in the form of artwork and they wear clothes. Ironically, I bought them from Precious when she owned a decorator art shop. She helped me hang them in my living room. She told me enough was enough, and three was enough. She's a good friend. But when Mr. Precious comes in my living room, he has to avert his eyes.

My monkey pictures might be tacky. They might not be. But here's the thing: I do not care. They make me happy.

Meet My Monkeys

This is Dixie. I bought her one night after my book club girls and I ate tapas and then had wine at Precious's shop. If I remember correctly, Dr. Great Smile named her. Dixie lives on a sugar plantation in Barbados and she was left at the altar, broken hearted and humiliated, by Earl. She considered joining a convent for non Homo sapiens primates, but, instead, made a sweet business deal with the heir to a Rum manufacturer. It is rumored that she became a voodoo queen.

This is Daisy. Earl cheated on Dixie with Daisy, thus producing a love child. Earl would have married her if not for Carmelita's daddy. I don't know why that baby has feathers on his head. He hasn't told me yet.

This is Earl and Carmelita on their wedding day—with the baby Carmelita claims is Earl's. Earl knows better but Carmelita's daddy owns a machete, which is rare among monkeys. Earl could either keep his mouth shut and marry Carmelita and claim that child, or be relieved of his head. The father of the baby is really Roderick, who is otherwise engaged playing cards in another picture. I do not own that picture. Nor was it for sale in Precious's shop.

What creeps you out?

Or if you don't like that question, why do you think that baby has feathers on his head? Also--those babies haven't told me their names. If they tell you, let me know.