Okay, Listen Here

Okay, Listen Here

Monday, January 23, 2012

Creepy Monkey Business

We all have things that creep us out. For me it's ocean liners with big anchors, giant insects, and images of people—be it dolls, pictures, or little knickknacks—without faces. Especially eyes. I can't explain it, especially the ocean liners. I've never even been on one. I have to look away if I see one on television.

Anyway. My friend, Mr. Precious, can't stand pictures of animals wearing clothes. And he's a tough guy. He hunts panthers with his bare teeth and a fork. But heaven help him if he ever runs up on a panther wearing a turtleneck.

I love monkeys. (This is not as much of a subject change as it seems. It's back story, something I am not usually allowed to have.) The monkeys I love are not the diaper wearing, I Am Going To Live With You Until I Decide to Eat Your Face variety. The monkeys I love are in the form of artwork and they wear clothes. Ironically, I bought them from Precious when she owned a decorator art shop. She helped me hang them in my living room. She told me enough was enough, and three was enough. She's a good friend. But when Mr. Precious comes in my living room, he has to avert his eyes.

My monkey pictures might be tacky. They might not be. But here's the thing: I do not care. They make me happy.

Meet My Monkeys

This is Dixie. I bought her one night after my book club girls and I ate tapas and then had wine at Precious's shop. If I remember correctly, Dr. Great Smile named her. Dixie lives on a sugar plantation in Barbados and she was left at the altar, broken hearted and humiliated, by Earl. She considered joining a convent for non Homo sapiens primates, but, instead, made a sweet business deal with the heir to a Rum manufacturer. It is rumored that she became a voodoo queen.

This is Daisy. Earl cheated on Dixie with Daisy, thus producing a love child. Earl would have married her if not for Carmelita's daddy. I don't know why that baby has feathers on his head. He hasn't told me yet.

This is Earl and Carmelita on their wedding day—with the baby Carmelita claims is Earl's. Earl knows better but Carmelita's daddy owns a machete, which is rare among monkeys. Earl could either keep his mouth shut and marry Carmelita and claim that child, or be relieved of his head. The father of the baby is really Roderick, who is otherwise engaged playing cards in another picture. I do not own that picture. Nor was it for sale in Precious's shop.

What creeps you out?

Or if you don't like that question, why do you think that baby has feathers on his head? Also--those babies haven't told me their names. If they tell you, let me know.

33 comments:

  1. Snakes creep me out. I can't even look at a picture of a snake or a snake on TV or in the movies. ~shudder~ Maybe the baby is wearing feathers to keep snakes away.

    Marilyn

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    1. Marilyn--Snakes aren't on my top ten of creatures I'd want to come to my birthday party, but I'd rather have a snake than a rat.

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  2. What creeps me out is that guy on the Travel Channel (I think it's the Travel Channel), who eats all that nasty, disgusting, absolutely positively gross stuff. My husband is fascinated with it, always saying "why does he eat that?" I am always saying "Why are you watching this?' The man obviously has problems. I just get all creeped-out about the food and will leave the room, suffering nightmares for days about crawling pasta...

    Hey, I like the monkeys and their stories. Sounds like it could be a serial - Monkey Madness.

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    1. Cheryl--I've never seen that. It does sound creepy. Anything slimy is creepy.

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  3. Rats creep me out. Disgusting.

    The name that popped into my head when I saw the baby with the feathers was "Edgar." Don't know why. It isn't my picture, so I could be completely wrong. It has feathers because it wanted them, and was pitching a fit and wouldn't settle down until Daisy gave in and let him wear them for the portrait. He's headstrong that way, and Daisy tends to let him get away with murder. I predict he'll come to no good.

    As for the ocean liner thing, you may well have been on the Titanic in a former lifetime.

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    1. I, yes, I hate me a rat. Do you know that they can get really, really huge? Like as big as a pig. At least that's what I heard. And Edgar! Of course. You can tell he's a fit pitcher. Maybe he'll go down on a ocean liner.

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  4. Lol! You're wity this morning, Jean! Of course, you already know I love your monkeys. ;)

    The little boy's name is Duke. He wears feathers because he likes playing cowboys and Indians. The other monkeys tease him because with a name like 'Duke' he should be leading the pose.

    What weirds me out? Hmmmm... Sloppy eaters, high waters, and protesters.

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    1. Protesters? All protesters? Does it matter what they are protesting? What if they are protesting sloppy eating? Or high waters?

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    2. Indeed! Protesters remind me of the time my father came back from Vietnam and they called him, and soldiers like him, a baby killer. Nuff said.

      By the way, I hope you understood that Daisy Duke gave birth to Duke Duke to make Early jealous. ;)

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  5. Wow. This post is out there, but I like stuff that's out there.

    I have always thought it would be really fun to go on a cruise. Unfortunately, I once agreed to write a novella about the Titanic with some other writer friends who were going to write their own, and we were going to pitch it as a collection to a certain publisher who was looking for novella collections. (This is not off topic, I promise.) Well, after doing a bunch of research on that stupid Titanic, and after writing the first few chapters, our novella collection was rejected. And now I'm left with a phobia about cruise ships. And it didn't help to see that cruise ship on its side in the ocean a week ago, or whenever it was. And the creepiest thing I came across in my research was a picture of the bottom of the ocean where the Titanic sank. There were all these pairs of shoes. Everything, all the people's clothes and the people themselves, had rotted away or were eaten by fish, except the shoes. CREEPY! And some child's porcelain doll head was lying there. VERY CREEPY!

    And I never used to be afraid of the weather, and I always used to scoff when they would predict tornadoes and dangerous storms. I wouldn't say I have a phobia of them, but I am probably more appropriately scared now, after April 27, 2011, than I used to be.

    Protesters weird me out too, Kathy. And discussions about anything controversial, like politics. Yeesh! Makes my skin crawl just thinking about it. And most bugs, especially slugs and spiders.

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    1. Oh, Melanie! Shoes on the bottom of the ocean. Okay. That is creepy. Very.

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    2. Oh! Shoes at the bottom of the ocean? I find that fascinating. They are the only telltale sign that someone laid there. So many dead. Where did they all go? When we see the lasting effects of the devastation, we understand. There is beauty in the silence, reverence of life lost in those shoes.

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    3. Can you believe I found the picture of the shoes in a children's picture book about the Titanic? Can you say, Scarred for life? I would NOT trust that publisher with my children.
      It has haunted me, I tell you. Yeesh.

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  6. No offense Jean, but I had to shudder when I scrolled through your beloved pictures. Were it almost anything else, I would have delighted in the quirkiness and moved on. But here's the thing...

    I hate monkeys.

    I don't know if it's so much a phobia as an intense disliking. The more people-like they are being, or made up to be, the worse it is for me. (And it's chimps in particular, I don't mind gorillas or anything with a fuzzy face that I can pretend is a mutant raccoon.) I suspect I had some sort of issue with watching Planet of the Apes at too young of an age. I'm not sure.

    As for an actual phobia... I'd like to take this opportunity to admit that Precious Moments Figurines give me the screaming willies. Am I alone in this? Give me a faceless, ambiguous Willow Tree figurine collection any day, but keep those big-eyed, tiny-mouthed porcelain devils out of my direct line of sight! >.<

    (Apologies to any and all collectors of Precious Moments paraphernalia.)

    ~Angela Blount

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    1. No offense, RP. Chimps will eat your face if they can. While not fond of Precious Moments, I absolutely shudder at those Willow Tree people. Imagine being lost in a whole village of life size Precious Moments and Willow Tree people.

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    2. I actually love the faceless dolls Amish make. I even made a few for my daughters and my aunt. The dolls freaked #4 out. She had to draw on a face...

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  7. Oh, Jean! I do LOVE the Monkeys! They are masterpieces!

    As for that baby, I don't have a clue what his name is or why he wears feathers, though I think Linda is absolutely correct about his disposition. I think he's sure to sidle up to the Carmelita Daddy someday and become his hit man. It's only fitting since his own daddy turned him aside. In fact, Earl may be the very hit that Carmelita Daddy uses to test Baby Monkey's loyalty. Only time will tell.

    As for my own squeemishes, porcelain dolls make me run for cover. Sadly, my own mother thought my oldest daughter would be the perfect recipient of such dolls. I personally think she knew I had this phobia and she wanted a good laugh! Buggar! Anyway, there's an entire collection of them hidden away in a closet far away from me, in the upstairs of my house. Of course, another relative thought it fitting to paint a porcelain doll portrait for the same child. It too, is hidden in that hidey whole. Yikes! They make me feel watched and, well...judged. Eek! They creep me out! Not to mention the whole subject of Snowbabies. Another creeptastic squeemish of mine.

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    1. Lisia--You might be on to something about Carmelita and company. She's no good.

      I bet those dolls come alive at night.

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    2. Movies with dolls coming to life weird me out. Just sayin...

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  8. Why is Carmelita's baby a dog? That's my question. Actually, I kind of like the monkey portraits.

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    1. He was fathered by one of those dogs from the dogs playing cards pictures.

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    2. I think the baby resembles a dog as a dig to the monkey baby's father.

      You know how some dogs act like they are a person? Perhaps monkey baby's father acted like a dog. Just sayin...

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  9. Snakes scare me. I can't even stand to look at them!

    I have often wondered why Carmelita's baby is a dog. I don't think the baby is a dog. I think the baby is a monkey who has a dog costume and pitched a fit to wear it and Carmelita just need to get the altar before Earl changed his mind.

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    1. Apparently Earl on sires fit pitchers. The sins of the father. I am seeing more and more that Dixie was far better off.

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  10. I don't really think that baby is a dog, but a symbolic statement that Carmelita was having way too much fun out with the boys and the Carmelita Daddy doesn't accept that child no matter whose baby it is. He forced Earl's hand at marrying Carmelita because the Carmelita Daddy has some kind of somethin'-or-other he's holding over Earl's head. And....there's a Dog Daddy out there somewhere just waiting to be revealed. All in due time......

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    1. Or Earl had baby painted as a dog as a slight to the duke, who is Duke's real father.

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  11. I think Carmelita is a baby-snatcher. I wouldn't trust her at all.

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  12. Jean, that's why there's a lock on the closet door....just in case, ya know. : /

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  13. All--

    The Guy refuses to post here. I guess he views blog posting like wearing a pink shirt and carrying an umbrella, which I also don't understand--but whatever.

    Anyway, he said baby Edgar's godmother probably took him to the toy store and bought him whatever he wanted no matter what it was and no matter where he was going. In this case, he wanted a feather headdress and he was going to have is portrait done.

    Well. It does seem like that it's time for them to let it go. So what if I bought Precious Angel a light saber that lit up and made noise before we all had to get in a van and drive to Shreveport, Louisiana for a wedding? You're only three once. He enjoyed that light saber. And the blinking and buzzing didn't even particularly bother me. It's every body else involved who can't get over it. PA and I are fine about it. It's not like we let him take it right in to wedding.

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