Okay, Listen Here

Okay, Listen Here

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I Can Make It To The Fence In 2.8 Seconds. Can you?

I have a very friendly FedEx guy who is always pleasant and is always ready with a smile. Except the other day...

The white truck pulled up to the front of my house and the dogs, as usual, went wild, barking and jumping against the sidelights. In order to escape the din, I stepped out on the porch to accept the delivery. I walked down the sidewalk to meet the FedEx guy, save him a walk, and take the package. Suddenly a flipping metal noise behind me erupted just as the poor guy met me. Ninety-five pounds of Doberman Pinscher had just rushed the door, opened it and was bounding down the sidewalk, headed directly for the guy. The package was shoved abruptly into my hands and the guy bolted through the flowerbed for his truck. I have never seen someone move so quickly in my entire life. He was fumbling with the sliding door on the truck just as the dog made it there. Mason, the love of my life, stood silently grinning at the man, doing nothing. I walked over, took a firm grip on his collar and dragged the dog back to the house. The FedEx guy tore off down the driveway, never looking back. The sign obviously meant something to him. Needless to say, I don’t know if the guy will ever come back or if he will be smiling if he does.

Meet Mason – a German Doberman (not like the American Doberman because his head and body are bigger and more powerful).

I never believed fifteen years ago that I would ever own a Dobie. I had always heard how vicious they were and that they turned on their masters. Not a truth to any of it. Someone threw out a Dobie at our farm and there began my love for the breed. That dog has since passed and I, stupidly, got another one from a breeder of German Dobermans. Mason was the runt of the litter and the breeder didn’t think very much of him. I knelt in the middle of his littermates and he was the only one who came bobbling over to me, climbing into my lap. Well, he grew and grew, surpassing the biggest of his littermates. I have a small horse in my house.

Mason or “Moosey” as I call him is a veritable bull in a china shop. He lopes through the house, sending cats flying and all of my chachkas crashing to the floor. He owns the bed, sleeping between my husband and me. I have been awakened mid-air just before I hit the floor when he stretched his paws and pushed me out. He has no remorse – it’s his bed.

The other day one of my other dogs, a mutt who is extremely smart, found a mole. I never knew moles scream but, believe me, they do. She was tossing it in the air, playing. It captured Mason’s attention and he trotted over while I started running. I knew what he was going to do. Before the female dog realized what was happening, Mason grabbed the mole and swallowed it whole. No amount of screaming, “Drop it” did any good; the mole was gone…for a while. Later, in the house, I heard a strange noise in the living room – the mole was back, just not in as good a shape as before. Gagging and cursing, I kept wondering as I cleaned up the mess “Why do I have this dog?” He plopped down on the floor, obviously feeling much better.

We have been thrown out of three obedience classes. One occasion was quite memorable. A lady with a miniature Doberman (absolutely no relation to the large breed Doberman) kept bringing her dog over beside Mason. She kept saying, “Isn’t this cute? A big Dobie and a little Dobie.” I kept saying “Lady, if you value your dog, please get him away. Mason isn’t vicious but he hunts rats at the barn…” She didn’t get the subtle hint and a few seconds later, Mason was trying to swallow her dog. The trainer quietly told me that we had to leave. I didn’t get a refund either.

In actuality, Mason and all Dobermans are a very gentle breed (Yeah, I hear you, he tried to eat a dog – okay it did look like a rat…). They are smart, cunning and extremely loyal. As long as Momma says you’re ok, he’ll show you the good stuff in the house and let you take it. He tries to climb in everyone’s lap – he doesn’t really realize he’s big. However, if Momma don’t like you – you ain’t coming in the house or the yard for that matter. I once caught a guy trying to steal one of our tractors. Mason on the job – he chased the guy over the first fence and by the time the guy hit the second one, Mason had nailed him. He came back grinning with blue jean material in his mouth. Oh, yeah, if Momma don’t like you…

So, do you have a pet who owns the house, the yard and everyone in them? Tell me your “baby” stories. Mason needs a play date; he’s bored with chasing the cats and the horses and everything else that moves.


  1. Mason is beautiful, Cheryl.

    Our fabulous feline, Salem, rules the house. His name means "peace," and as long as you remember that it's his house, there is peace. But he has to inspect everything...and I mean EVERYTHING, that comes into it. Rather cute, actually. When he was smaller he would climb into the doll cabinet and try to make nice with all the lovely ladies there. I wasn't amused, because Salem's attempt to get to know them involved mouth contact with their beautiful gowns and acoutrements, or--Heaven forbid--a porcelain hand or arm. I was never happy about that. Thankfully, he finally grew tired of their company.

  2. Yeah, the word is actually "accoutrements." I knew that wasn't right the moment I pushed the button to send it off. Oh, well...

  3. I have four cats, sadly I lost one about two weeks ago. We have one, named Pris, and she is prissy. She loves to sit in my lap but I am not allowed to touch. I forgot this weekend and she bit me in the lip, of all places. I walked around looking like I had had injections in only my lower lip.

    Salem sounds like a cat my son has. Everything must be inspected, including you, before you can enter the house. We must talk about the porcelain dolls because I have a few my mother-in-law made, Bru (sp?) imitations.

  4. Cheryl, what an entertaining post today. :D Mason sounds like loads of fun. I always thought Dobermans were mean-spirited until I met my hubby's roommate's dog, Barbara. What a loveable and somewhat dim-witted dog. Must have been the name. I'm a firm believer in giving names to animals that show character. Even people grow into their names. In other words, don't name your child Mr. Magoo or Poindexter. Or your Doberman, Barbara. ;)

  5. Kathy - My husband swears Mason is a few bricks short of a load. I disagree - he figured out how to open every door in the house. He can get into the refrigerator and he knows which cat he can pester without losing an eye. He also understands a rather large vocabulary - out, dinner, walk,etc. - and reacts appropriately to each. He also understands when I don't feel well because he will stay constantly with me, leaning and wanting to be hugged. Even dim-witted, Barbara sounds like she was a nice dog(I go for loveable every time).

  6. Yeah, Barbara was a very friendly and loveable dog. Not the sharpest doggie on the block though. LOL!

    I miss having a dog. The DH says no more animals once these are gone because our kids will be so spread out and we'll need to be able to pick up and go visit them whenever we want to. But I disagree. What's a house without a warm, fuzzy friend to nuzzle up to?

    Mason sounds like he's very smart. Our lab, Raven, was the first out of 8 pups to figure out how to get out of the whelping box, the first to climb the basement stairs, she knew how to open doors, and (I'm saving the best for last) how to break open a suitcase zipper to get to the candy inside without tearing open the suitcase fabric! That's talent!

    Yet there is a fine line between genius and insanity and Raven seemed to travel lightly upon that line... ;)

  7. I love dogs and wish I had one. Too bad the real rulers house owners disagree. That Tucker, Spike, and Caldar. Tucker and Spike are pure bread Main Coons and weigh about 14 and 11 pounds respectively. Caldar is an alley cat with no breeding and no respect for anyone's personal space. He came in this house weighing in at 4 lbs. and immediately took over. The Guy is forever lamenting that his special baby, Tucker, is oppressed. I've got no sympathy for a 14 pound cat who lets himself be beat up on a regular basis by a runt.

    Caldar. Definitely alpha male.

  8. Jean, you forgot to mention that your cats are extra special because they have six toes. :D

  9. Sorry to hear about your lip, Cheryl. Ouch!

    Once upon a time, Salem really liked my Bru Bride (thankfully, not an original). Very cool that your mother-in-law made some in that fashion. I bet they're beautiful.

    Don't think I can have a dog anywhere close to Salem. He would NOT be amused. He does not play well with others.

  10. Jean, I understand the alpha male cat. I have the alpha female - Pris, a four pound light-weight. She keeps all the older cats, one twenty-two pound Abyssinian mix, in line with a swipe of her paw. I had a Maine Coon for 18 years, Smokey. She was a sweet cat who would not stand up for herself either. I love Maine Coons!

    None of my cats, save one, like the dogs. Tiger, the mix, loves Mason and will curl up on him given a chance. Mason isn't quite sure about it but he tolerates Tiger's cleaning.

    I have to say we are like Mason - tolerant of our pets. I have an enormous amount of patience for animals, humans not so much. However, Kathy, I am with your hubby, once these are gone, no more. I worry and fret too much.

  11. I go back and forth about whether to welcome another furry feline into my home when Salem crosses over. I get tired of the cat hair and the clawing of my furniture. And then I have moments when I think I would miss that energy being near. Salem is a steadfast gargoyle, to be sure. He likes to be near his peeps. It took him a long time to get to that point, and now he is very attached to us. Rather endearing.

  12. Cat hair. Oh, yeah. No matter what I do or how often I do it, it's a factor.

  13. Wow Cheryl, that was a great story! I hope your Fed Ex man comes back smiling. They look so cute in their shorts. :-)

    Y'alls posts have made me smile at the end of a long day of 4th grade. I don't have any pet stories of my own to share but I am happy to smile at yours. :-)