Men do not understand the workings of the female mind. That's a fact. They will tell you. Well, I'm not sure I understand how the male mind works much better--at least the male mind that belongs to my own particular male. This was brought home to me last night--again.
My neighborhood had a social last night and my good friend and neighbor, Precious, called to ask me what The Guy was going to wear. That was easy. I didn't even have to ask him. "Khakis and polo shirt," I told her. Precious hasn't lived in the neighborhood long and has never been to one of these soirees. I told her if she wanted to dress Mr. Precious up in shorts, that would be fine. The attire is always kind of Muffy Matron meets aging fraternity boy.
"Is The Guy wearing khaki shorts?" she asked.
"Oh, no. God, no." I had to tell her. "The Guy doesn't wear shorts--not unless he's actually on a boat. He's got a lot of rules."
"Really? Do tell." She was fascinated and I know why. She, too, is forever on a quest to understand the male mind.
I listed off his fashion rules:
1. No pink shirts.
2. No lavender shirts.
3. No short sleeve button-up shirts unless they are Hawaiian print, seersucker, or linen and then never to work.
4. No flip flops unless he's on a boat and then they must be Teva.
5. No sandals, ever, period.
6. No matching pajama sets. PJ pants are fine, but they must be worn with a t-shirt.
7. No umbrella, no matter how hard it's raining.
8. For formal wear, vest, no cummerbund, and no black patent shoes.
9. French cuffs when possible.
10. No boot cut jeans.
11. Absolutely, no, never, never, never big pony Ralph Lauren shirts; don't get him started.
Now mind you, he has never told me any of this stuff. I just know. And lest you think all this is because he views himself as some kind of cock-eyed conformist, think again. Case in point, he owns a pair of zombie contacts that he bought just for Hallowe'en. He wears them every Hallowe'en--even to work. Heaven help us if he ever has an important meeting that day.
Here he is. As you can see, he has no problem with orange shirts. Normally, his eyes are a lovely hazel.
How about the guys in your life? Do they have any fashion rules? Do they make any sense to you?