Precious Angel graduated from high school last Friday night. I bet you think I am going to go all sloppy about pride, accomplishment, and how it was only last week I was buckling him in a stroller.
Yeah. I could do that. But it's been done, at least in my head. And though I stand by my philosophy that a blog is the ultimate ego trip and I can, therefore, hold forth on any subject of my liking, I do want you to keep coming back And let's face it. I've already made clear on numerous occasions how great PA is, and you really don't care.
So. . . . I am going to share my rules for attending graduations. One could argue that this might have been more useful before the ceremonies got cranked up, but I didn't have any rules before witnessing what I did last Friday at Ogle Stadium in Decatur, Alabama. I only had common sense. I continue to assume, wrongly, that everyone else does.
I would also point out that this particular ceremony was only an hour long. Not bad for 230 graduates, with all the usual speeches.
- I know that usually the speeches do not set the world on fire, but that's somebody's kids up there doing the best they can. Shut up.
- Do not bring an air horn. If you must, do not make use of it when your grad's name is called.
- Do not bring a cow bell. If you must, do not make use of it when your grad's name is called.
- Do not bring a cooler full of beer. Come to think of it, don't bring a cooler full of anything.
- Do not hoot and holler. Golf claps, ladies and gentlemen. I know you are proud, but they are moving those kids through there quickly. If you are bellowing to the top of you lungs, chances are excellent that you will drown out the next grad's name. That's not fair.
- Dress appropriately. I admit, I wore pants, which I would not have done had we not been outside on bleachers. But even at that, my pants were linen and part of a matched outfit that is appropriate for Sunday morning church. No shorts. No shirts that talk, No baseball caps. Please.
- Above all else, do NOT leave as soon as your grad's name is called. If there is a wrestling match you've got to get to or you are meeting with a talent scout from the Jerry Springer show, just don't come to graduation. I don't understand this. Not only is it rude, but if you care enough to come, why would you not want to stick around to say congratulations and take a picture?
- When the principal says, "Please keep your seats until the graduates file out," it does not mean make a mad rush for the exit.