Okay, Listen Here

Okay, Listen Here

Monday, June 18, 2012

Pamper or Torture?

I am not fond of a pedicure. I don't like to be messed with, plus I am ticklish. So usually, I do my own. However, one needs at least a couple of professional pedicures a year if one is going to wear flip-flops and sandals. And one is. I mean I am.

This week I had a pedicure and my first routine baseline colonoscopy. The pedicure was worse.

With the colonoscopy, people buzzed around me, patting and assuring me. The nurse brought me a blanket that had been warmed. When she couldn't get my IV in, she called for a more proficient person. If not for The Guy, I might have fallen in love with the anesthesiologist.  He looked at my chart and said, "Well you are so healthy, you are just boring." And he winked. I love winking.  Then he told me when it was over, to go home and do nothing. I love to be told to do nothing. "You are dehydrated," he said. "A smart girl would just go home and kick back with a glass of sweet tea." Oh, he was playing my song. Do nothing and consume sugar.

The doctor told me they were going to take care of me the same way they would want to be cared for. Then there came the drugs in the IV. I didn't even have time to count backwards.

Then, presto! The nurse was waking me up and telling me I had a perfect colon. The doctor said come back in ten years. 

The Guy took me home. I slept a while and then he fetched me some Kentucky Fried Chicken, which ordinarily I would not even think about, let alone eat, but it had been 48 hours since I'd had anything but chicken broth.

Two days later I got a pedicure. I am pretty sure he almost cut my toe. Then he brought out sandpaper and a cheese grater. It was not pleasant. And let me say, my feet were not even in bad shape. I work on them with a pumice stone regularly. I know what you are thinking: Go to someone else next time. Who? I've been to everybody in the county and it's no better. Which makes me think, it's me, not them.

I guess my definition of pamper isn't the same as everyone else.

How about you? Is there anything that others generally find pleasant that you dread?


  1. Jean, you made me spit coffee on my computer :-). When I read the first line, I thought you said, "I am not fond of pelicans." I was greatly entertained by that, but it was the cheese grater that made me sit coffee
    :-). Personally, I love a pedicure -- because my feet aren't ticklish. And they're generally sore, because I walk so much. A foot massage is heaven to me.

    Possible tip: have you tried rubbing your feet with Orajel or something like that, a topical anesthesia, so maybe you won't be so ticklish?

    1. Orajel, huh? It's worth a try. Because, clearly, there is something worse than a pedicure--displaying ungroomed feet to the world.

      Come to think of it, I don't know that a pelican would make a very good friend.

  2. I've never had a pedicure or a colonoscopy so I guess I can't relate. I am like you - ticklish - so I've never even had a massage. Glad you get a ten year reprieve! :D

  3. I had a pedicure over the weekend. If one spends $50 on one instead of $20, one gets less cheese grater and more gentle treatment. But one knows how the economy is. :-(

    I'm overdue for my routine colonoscopy. It was scheduled for February, when I was in a cast and on crutches. I could not imagine doing the prep on crutches, so I cancelled and have not had time to reschedule. I wonder if they could operate on my neck and check my colon at the same time next week?

  4. I doubt that this will surprise anyone but I don't like a massage. I know that many people love to have them done but I don't like to be touched by strangers especially when I have half of my clothes off. I really, really don't like the idea of being half-naked in a room with a total stranger and my head pushed down into a hole so that I can't see the door or what is coming at me.

    This just sounds like torture not a reward.

  5. OMG! I could SO become a member of the massage-of-the-week club. It helps that my massage therapist is female and a member of my church and one of THE sweetest people on this earth. But I've had them by strangers, but it was at the massage therapy school where they get graded, so no worries about hanky-panky.

    I don't want the pedi at the hospital. I actually enjoy the experience.

  6. Oh honey! I love a chair massage (all clothes in tact) and there is nothing more wonderful to me than having my nails done, both mani and pedi. My favorite is the glass of wine and the parafin wax treatments. But they only do that at the spa here. In Texas you could get the wax pretty much anywhere. The wine, not so much. And why doesn't Starbucks have chair masseuses available on Saturdays here like they did in Texas. Wait. I sound like I miss Texas. Never mind. I like pedis, chair massages when I can get them, and I love the fact that this place shuts down at night. Texas is WAY overrated.

    I'm not talking about the other. My number hasn't been called yet. I don't want to think about it. Happy thoughts....happy thoughts.....happy.....

  7. Jean you never cease to amaze me. I've never known anyone who could combine a colonoscopy with a pedicure. Woot!

    First, I'm so glad that everything checked out okay. My father was diagnosed with colon cancer when he was 55. It was a slow growing cancer, which had probably been there since he'd turned 50. Regular check ups at the right interval might have caught it earlier when my father wouldn't have needed such an invasive treatment. I keep this to heart.

    Second, colon cancer, my parents were told, is passed down through the paternal side. For this reason, I make sure to get my 10 year check ups. (Note to self: I'm due again.)

    Pedicures don't bother me. I like getting Happy Feet!

  8. I'm due on the colonoscopy thingy...I would love to have pedicure and massage right now!