Okay, Listen Here

Okay, Listen Here

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Perceptions






A British woman living in France caused a major brouhaha with her column about how women hate her because she’s beautiful. I nearly choked myself to keep from laughing when I read the column. It seems Samantha Brick has endured trials and tribulations for her entire life just because she perceives herself as beautiful. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2124246/Samantha-Brick-downsides-looking-pretty-Why-women-hate-beautiful.html?ito=feeds-newsxml

In the column, Brick bemoans the fact that women snub her, ignore her and have even hurt her career simply because of her looks. The first thing I got from reading the article is that Brick seems overly concerned with other people’s perceptions about her looks. Secondly, to quote Barbara Walters, she just isn’t that good-looking. The storm over the article continued all last week, evoking responses from women all over the world. She was interviewed on a network morning show about the reactions and her response was that she didn’t intend to come off sounding so smug. It wasn’t what she had in mind when she wrote the article – she meant to point out that other people’s perceptions about looks can be hurtful. Sorry, but that isn’t what I got from her column. When I read it all I could hear was a boastful, vain woman who blamed other women when things didn’t go her way. She really laid into women who are older and “whose bloom is gone” for hating her (hmmm, could be why I didn’t like her). Oh, I know, she cited instances when women were outright rude to her but then, we didn’t really know how she was acting at the time either. I just thought the whole things was kind of silly. It did, however, bring her into the world’s spotlight.

After reading the article I got to thinking about perceptions. From what I have read, people who have a large ego require constant validation about themselves from others. People who are secure in themselves and don’t need outside validation have self-esteem. Ego is destructive; self-esteem promotes character. If you are secure in yourself, then you don’t need the approval of others. Here comes the ADD part – that got me to thinking about writing (I know, it’s a jump but then a spatial mind does that). If you are insecure about your writing, you constantly need validation from others about how great and wonderful you are. If you are secure about your writing, then you know inside when what you have written is good without other people telling you. So when the rejections start coming in or you get a bad review think about whether it’s you or your ego reacting to criticism. Yes, writing is something that seeks approval – an editor has to approve of what you have written in order for it to be published and then people have to buy it. But, not all things resonate with all people. Simply because one person doesn’t like your story doesn’t mean that it isn’t a good story or that it isn’t written well. It just means that you haven’t found the right market. I guess what I got out of all this is that you have to keep trying when you believe in yourself. Perceptions don’t always mean that others are right.

Have you heard of Samantha Brick? What did you think about her column? What is your take on the perceptions of others? Is it necessary to validate yourself? I know, being published is a form of validation, but if you’re constantly being rejected or criticized have you ever felt that the world is judging you unfairly? Just wondering…

12 comments:

  1. I was kind of amused by the article, since she didn't seem to me to be all that beautiful. Like you, I suspect if people were rude to her there was some other reason. Like maybe she was being a jerk. Loved your jump and comparison to writing! You're right on. -- LJ

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  2. Thanks LJ. I just kind of thought maybe she isn't that nice when she's around others. It amused me because of all the reactions - obviously I was one of the people (who have lost their bloom) who instantly thought it was funny and I wouldn't be threatened by her "looks." Glad you got the transition. I tend to jump around with thoughts. ;)

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  3. Lol! I took this as just another 15 minutes of fame spotlight attempt for attention and a good marketing tool. Everyone knows Brick's name now, good or bad. But I have seen this situation happen. A good-looking woman enters the room and the ladies around her grow defensive. Primal instinct! That's what it is. An innate attempt to fight off competition for male's attention.

    I love the way you tied this to writing, grasshopper. ;)

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    1. More like weedhopper. :) You know, I guess I am odd. I have never felt defensive around a good-looking woman. Guess I always felt like "good for her." Maybe that's why I really didn't think too much of her claims. But you're right - instinct kicks in. After all, I suppose we are all animals in our reactions. Oh, well, chalk another one up for me being peculiar.

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  4. I can name twenty women who I know personally, who are better looking than she is and I don't hate any of them.

    As to the writing--I have never thought that any criticism or rejection stemmed from jealously because I write so well. Sometimes I think the criticism is valid, sometimes not.

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    1. I could probably name thirty more women and I am with you - I hate none of them.

      I never have accepted criticism well. It is something I am working on. I have to look at it and see if it is warranted then I have to work on the part of accepting it graciously when it is.

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  5. I hadn't heard of this until you brought it up. You know how news unaware I am. But, ehh...she's nice looking enough, I suppose. But I don't think looks are all there is to any picture. There must be something in her presentation that makes her stand out among many. Or it could merely be her expectations that pave the way for things to happen regularly. But I don't get the beauty thing from the 2D pics, myself.

    And I give you a "10" for the weedhoppin'! :D

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    1. I saw her on TV and I still don't get it. I think you may have hit on it - it's her expectations as to how others see her. If you believe it, then you project it.

      Yea! The first ten I have gotten!

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  6. I hadn't heard of her but now I feel like I need to go read about it. Thanks for sharing this with us all!

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    1. I guess I've given myself away - I watch the early morning news shows. It's kind of like a train wreck - I can't look away. LOL

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  7. I thought she was kind of like those people who audition for American Idol who think they're the best singers in the world, and they can't carry a tune.

    As for writing . . . I usually think it sucks anyway. I'm okay with a valid criticism. I'm not okay with a criticism that makes it plain you didn't read the book, just glanced through it. I'm not okay with a criticism that's based on an erroneous assumption by the critic. But then I just shrug and forget about it. Life's too short.

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    1. Boy, you do have a way with words, Maven Linda! Gee, I wish I had thought of the American Idol thing - good analogy. You hit the nail on the head about this woman.

      I'm still working on it, valid or not. I used to erase the red marks the teacher put on my papers. LOL As for bad criticism, I still have a ways to go to let it go. But you're right - life is too short to sit and stew (but I like doing it; don't know why). ;)

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