Thursday, April 26, 2012
Take Me Out to the Ball Park
It is my belief that we have basic human rights that protect us in a civilized society. My basic rights are being violated, nay, mutilated every week at the baseball field where instead of being able to kick back and watch some Little League my poor eyes are exposed to horror after horror. As a result of this retina trauma, the other night I composed this list (with the help of Harris's Mom and Super Teacher) of what to wear at the baseball field. These guidelines can really be applied to any outdoor casual event in the South. I see this as a public service and hope you will share it with your friends and neighbors.
What to Wear at the Baseball Park
1. Wear a Shirt. Now you would expect that this rule would mostly apply to men--andfor the most part it does--but there seems to be a trend among women (adults who should know better) to not wear a real shirt. They simply wear a sports bra and some bottoms. This is not okay, in fact, this rule was almost called, It's a sports bra not a shirt.
2. Wear shorts that fit. If I wanted to see your butt, I would change your diaper. I have seen way, way, way too many butt cracks! Both male and female, unfortunately. You would think this rule would only apply to too much skin showing because pants are cut so low. But sadly I have also seen cheeks sagging out the bottom of shorts that were woefully too small and often too tight, but that is another rule.
3. Wear clothes that fit--not ones that fit you when you were five, but ones that fit you thirty years later. The Guy has a saying that sums up this situation, "That is a nice outfit. It is a pity they didn't have it in her size." Enough said on that subject.
I realize that is covers only the most basic of rules for what to wear, but I felt that so many people seemed to need help that we should keep it simple and start with three rules. Perhaps you all can add more rules for us...
What do you think should be worn to the baseball park?