Okay, Listen Here

Okay, Listen Here

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

A Time to Sow and a Time To Reap

I had a particularly bad weekend and now I find my week isn’t getting much better. My old horse, Sugar, has been declining in the last month, won’t eat and is losing weight rapidly. I have tried so many homeopathic remedies, vet remedies and just plain trying to get her to eat by feeding her by hand. It became apparent this weekend that if I didn’t do something, she wasn’t going to make it. Determined and distraught, I stayed with her, day and night, coaxing and pleading. This doesn’t have a bad ending, at least not yet, because she seems to be doing better; even ate her breakfast this morning without me standing there. Perhaps we have turned a corner.

I also have a lot of older animals, all with ailments like arthritis and such. As I look around I see that my time is coming to face heartbreak and sadness but then, I would never had known the joy of these loyal animals. The conundrum I put myself in is what everyone faces – you get the animals and you forget that some day you will face the inevitable. I am a stubborn person, not one to give in easily. When I am dealing with a problem I face it, then I try to determine how I can control it. I never learned the lesson of quitting; it’s not in my nature.

I started thinking in the wee hours of the morning Sunday that I have to learn to let go. Oh, not of these wonderful animals, but of the need I have to control. I guess I think that if I work hard enough, try hard enough and do enough that I can change the outcome of things. In some situations that is true. I just haven’t learned to judge when it is really time to quit. At my age, you’d think I would have. But no, I keep pushing and pulling, trying and trying when everyone else has stopped. There are greater Forces in the universe that are at work; the Bible verse “a time to sow and a time to reap…” constantly plagues me. When will I learn?

I guess I am getting philosophical because I lost a dear friend on Sunday; a man who helped me start life as a new lawyer. He was witty, funny, and at all times a Southern gentleman. His view on life was to take it with both hands, move forward and never look back. Nothing bothered him because that was just the way things were. As I stood in the barn, thinking of that man and wondering why I couldn’t be like him, I remembered his view of taking life one day at a time. He always said you never know what is going to happen but it will be interesting. So Vule, wherever you are, thanks for reminding me – we all die but we all have a job to do while we’re here.

So if I have to control things and push, then so be it. That’s me, that’s who Cheryl is. Vule would be proud of me.

9 comments:

  1. Cheryl,
    I think you are very wise to realize that there are some things that you simply can't control and that time and energy can be better spent on something else!

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    1. You are right Stephanie. I just have to learn to let go and devote my time to things I can control. All this obsessing gets tiring.

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  2. Cheryl,

    It is heartbreaking when animals start to decline. They love us unconditionally (or not at all) and they are entirely dependent on us.

    Control has always been an issue with me too. I want to fix everything. Mostly, I can fix nothing.

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    1. Yes I know the feeling - I can fix nothing but I keep trying.

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  3. I find myself in the same predicament, Cheryl....aging animals. Mine are always cats. It would seem unwanted, aging cats gravitate to my house, my heart. I learned a while back, I can't keep them alive, so I'll give them as much love as I can while they're here. And when they're gone, I'm thankful I still have one with me....because there are always at least two. And the one that's left always loves me back when the other is gone. Then the rules take over and send out an alert: "Opening for wayward cat at Lesia's house." And we begin the cycle again...

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    1. The vet calls my house the "Crisona Assisted Living program for horses." I know what you mean. It seems that aging animals gravitate to me. However, once these guys are gone, the door is closed. Now, as for the cats and dogs I will probably be doing this till I kick over.

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    2. Ha! They call us the Cat Geriatric Ward! And you're right....til I die...

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  4. Oh, Cheryl. Please accept my deepest sympathies for the loss of your friend, Vule. My thoughts and prayers are with you and those who loved him.

    Secondly, I understand how you feel about loving and losing those dearest friends... our animals/best-friends. We had to put down Mr. Billington last year. Tough goings when my mother's two cats moved in. Long story but we only have the one cat now.

    Time changes everything, doesn't it? What I've learned is the only way to get through the changes in our lives is to realize to everything there is a season. Birth, life, sickness, health, death, and once again rebirth. Joy, however distant it may seem, will come again.

    Control what you can and let God have the rest. Blessings, my friend.

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  5. Thank you. Vule was a good person, had four kids and a wonderful wife. Everyone in Mobile loved him.

    Yeah, time changes everything and I wish it wouldn't. Guess I don't always get my wish. But, there is a purpose to it and I know it. It's just hard sometimes.

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