Okay, Listen Here

Okay, Listen Here

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

A Gift for Everyone on Your List...Maybe

Tis the season to get catalogues. I have been inundated this Holiday Season with catalogues from every known and unknown company in the continental United States. My normal-sized mailbox is stuffed full of them; so much so I am starting to feel guilty about the mail lady having to lift them from her car (maybe not, remember the mail episodes we have been through over the years). Any way, I dutifully drag them home and make two piles: one that I will look through; and one that I will immediately throw in the garbage (mostly farm implements – don’t think I want to be giving a disc harrow to my best friend this year).

Looking through most of the catalogues, there have been items that I sit and wonder why anyone would buy them. For that matter it amazes me that someone actually thought them up, got them manufactured and then persuaded a company to sell them. So, I have compiled a list, with commentaries of course, of the some of the unusual ones that I have seen this season.

1. The Leg Lamp from A Christmas Story – I love this movie and the leg lamp is probably one of the funniest parts. But who in the world would actually put one of those up in their house? Just saying…
2. Remote Control Tarantula – Why would someone want a five-inch tarantula walking across your floor? I must admit I considered buying the dang thing just to scare the boys at the barn. But for what it costs I had visions of them taking a shovel to it before I could stop them. Didn’t want to waste the money even for a laugh.
3. The Target Alarm Clock – This would be the perfect gift for Maven Linda, our resident sharpshooter. The clock has a target sticking out the top and there is a gun that you shoot at the target to turn the alarm off. Just hope they don't grab the wrong gun and actually shoot it (visions of splintering alarm clock).
4. The “Pot” Holder - A silicone potholder for lifting those hot lids - only this one is in the shape of a “Pot” leaf (marijuana). Thought it was a cute pun.
5. The Wand Remote Control – A remote control for the television that is a wizard wand. I am sure there are a few Harry Potter fans who would love this one. Seems you have to master certain moves to make the thing work. That I would like to see.
6. Skeleton Garden Gnomes - Like the cute little red-hated Gnomes you put in the garden only these look like zombies. Gee, wonder if you would put them with the dead flowers?
7. 28-Day Mascara - I have a hard enough time just getting the regular mascara off. I can’t imagine what it would take to remove mascara after wearing it for 28 days. Kind of made me cringe a bit.
8. The Kitchen Assistant – This is a definite gift for our chef Jean. It’s this thing that looks like a long-legged spider that you sit down in the pot and then turn it on. It constantly stirs the contents of the pot for you. It seemed like a good idea until I started thinking about it crawling out of the pot and creating havoc all over the stove, pushing and turning over other pots.
9. A Vertical Turntable – Touted as a space-saving device, this is a turntable which you mount on the wall. I stared at it for a long time trying to figure out how they kept the record (yes vinyl record) on it. You see the record is on the turntable parallel to the wall, just hanging there. Amazed me and it amazed me that someone will probably buy it.
10. The Bacon Rug – It is actually a floor rug that looks like a strip of uncooked bacon. Really? Trychanosis any one?
11. The World’s Smallest Camera – It is this tiny digital camera about the size of the tip of my finger. I wondered how you pushed the button to take the picture without smashing the whole thing. And who would want this? Does it make the world’s tiniest photos?
12. The Beard Cap – It’s a toboggan (sock hat) with a crocheted beard and mustache attached that covers your face. Really looked creepy.
13. Pickle Bandaids – Bandaids with pickles all over them. They also have bacon ones.
14. Champion, the Storefront Horse – Named after Gene Autry’s horse Champion (but it’s yellow and everyone knows that Champion was a gray roan don’t they?), it is one of those electric horses that sit in front of the grocery store for kids to put a quarter in and ride. I wanted this with all the child-like enthusiasm a horse-nut could muster until I saw the price tag - $6,500.00. That’s a lot of quarters.
15. Tattoo Sleeves – The ad actually said it was for the person who didn’t want to sit through being poked with needles. These are tight coverings that are sheer and go up your arm. They are covered in different types of tattoo art. Why???

There were a lot more but I am sure you are now getting the drift of the crazy things out there. My favorite was a t-shirt that said “Even if it’s crap, just get it on the page.” Have you seen any unusual gifts for the Season? Tell us about them.


  1. My personal favorite is the Mason jar wine glass. If you look closely, you'll see that it's a Mason jar glued to cheap candlestick. You could make it. Well, YOU could make it. I can't. I can't be trusted with glue. Since my last report of the broken Pilgrim man and my bathroom counter top, I got Gorilla glue all over my track ball. (Yes, I was trying, yet again, to fix him.) The Guy finally took the whole thing away from me, glued Pilgrim Man's wee little feet back to his pumpkin festooned base and cleaned up my track ball.

    Sorry. That's not what we were talking about, was it?

    I love catalogs. There is a blow up year decoration of the leg lamp.

  2. Make that "yard decoration". I haven't had my coffee. Going there now.

  3. Hey Jean, I saw those "redneck" wineglasses in Fairhope at a a ritzy little shop - $20! I wish I could think of something like that... I figured out they are the Mason jars glued on top of candlesticks you can buy at Old-time Pottery for fifty cents a piece. What a mark up! And who would you give them to? Someone who likes Ripple?

    Ah Gorilla Glue...I glued my fingers together with that stuff. Only mineral spirits got me to the point I could actually pull them apart. I am deathly afraid of the stuff now.

  4. Ripple. Never had it, but there were the Boone's Farm days. Oh, and the unfortunate night with the Manischewitz Cream Almonetta. I was young. Very young. And I had it with red beans and rice. Why did I tell that?

  5. Too funny, Cheryl! ;)

    I get catalogues too but they are from places that sell food, chocolate chip cookies (baskets), Swiss Colony, Pepperidge Farms, and so on. Love to look at the food but it's so expensive, isn't it?

    Most of the time I just throw the catalogues into the recycle bin. ;)

  6. Ooh Jean! Must have put you off "wine" for a while. I did the same with gin. NEVER again. And why did I tell that? LOL

    I get the food catalogues too, Kathy. I usually order the sugar-free stuff for my diabetic friends. I love some of the Figis stuff.

  7. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE all the catalogues!! I can get a cupcake rug, an ADHD tee shirt and wine glasses I dont' have to worry about anyone breaking all with one phone call!

  8. I need the ADHD t-shirt too, Stephanie. Oh look.... a rabbit!!!