Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Opposites DON'T Attract!
There is an old saying that “opposites attract.” Do you believe it? I used to until I started looking at my characters and then at my relationship with hubby. I did a little research and found countless psychological studies that firmly state the saying has no validity. The studies do emphasize that surface opposites (such as race, religion or culture) might be the background for the saying that opposites attract. However, when looking at the core values of the individuals, the studies found the couples actually share the same beliefs. Sooo…they’re not really opposites.
I found an interesting website, http://www.how-to-change-careers.com/personal-core-values.html, which lists core values for career changes. Even though it concerned work, I used it to give me a pretty comprehensive list of personal beliefs, i.e. “core values”. I sat down with hubby and we went through them separately. Believe it or not, we came up with the same beliefs we value. A few included: success, winning, compassion, honesty, humour, independence, ambition, focus and, of course, love. That sincerely amazed me that we agree on so many things. I always thought we were opposites who had found each other. We are socially different, from different cultures and different areas of the country but our belief systems are very similar.
And how does this pertain to writing? I did the same thing with a couple of my characters and wa-la, they have the same core values – family, home, love, respect and honesty. I didn’t even realize I was doing this with the characters. I thought they were so diametrically opposed to each other that it was truly a case of “opposites attract.” Ah, such conflict or so I thought. When we are writing, I think that subconsciously we know that opposites would not end up together – there is too much stress. People who share the same belief system will make it and will stay together. I am going to use this list to keep things in mind when I write about how my characters will relate to each other and their beliefs.
So tell me: are you and your significant other “opposites” or are you of a like mind and soul? And have you ever thought about how we write our characters? Do they possess the same values? Let me know what you think.
Oh, and today is mine and my hubby’s thirty-first wedding anniversary. Geez, we’re getting old!! But we’re still having fun, after all these years…