The Guy knows about a million computer languages because he keeps up and changes with the market. He calls them all code. There are whole yellow legal pads around my house filled with nothing but symbols in his tiny print. I guess he knows what it means, else he wouldn't do it and he sure as shooting couldn't get someone to pay him to do it. One can only hope the computer knows what it means. According to The Guy, if the computer doesn't get it, things can go very very wrong.
It's not so different in conversation. When people do not recognize when they are being spoken to in code, it can go very very wrong. As a public service, I thought I'd do a little interpreting here.
- "I think you needed to hear this." really means "You don't so much need to hear this as I need to ruin your day by telling you this malicious piece of gossip about someone you love."
- "I don't like to complain." really means "I love to complain. Complaining is my life's work so get a comfortable chair and a stiff drink because you're going to need it."
- "It's not you. It's me." really means "It is exactly you. I can't stand you anymore. I'm going to take the blame because it's the most painless way to ensure that I don't have to endure you any longer. Plus, it's a small price to pay."
- "You're not listening to me." really means "You are obviously too stupid to form your own opinion. Certainly you would agree with me if you but only had the intelligence to grasp what I am saying."
- "She did (fill in the blank), which is fine." really means "I cannot believe that low life piece of trash did something so contrary to my basic belief system. Hell, open the gates. You're getting a new one."
- "I need to check my schedule." really means "I would rather swallow nails and run through a magnet factory than do that but I need a little time to make an alternate plan or come up with a lie."
- "I'm sure she's doing the best she can." really means "She is so lazy and stupid she probably wouldn't shoo a fly off her own face."
- "I love him to death, but. . . (followed by some character flaw revelation.)" really means "I know he's your friend but I hate him from the depths of my soul and I want you to hate him too."
Yes, yes. I know there are exceptions. There always are, much like "Bless her heart," sometimes does mean just that.
But that's no fun. Share an interpretation with us.