Okay, Listen Here

Okay, Listen Here

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The Sequel: I Can't Stand You but Come on in and Stay Awhile

A few weeks ago, I blogged about how I watch TV show with characters I hate. I mused over why I keep it up and decided that it was because I was committed. Upon reflection, I realized I have quit TV shows before and maybe I should quit these. I was going to do it, but found that I couldn't. I deserve no pity, not even from myself.

Then one night, while watching one of these hell shows, I had an epiphany. I now understand why I continue to watch.

This is what happened: This particular character is a grown woman, with teenage children, who has moved back in with her parents. Since the series began she has designed a shoe that did not go to production, bar tended, let her kids sass her, bar tended some more, broke the heart of a perfectly nice successful guy, apologized to her kids for causing them to sass her, slept with her daughter's fresh out of college English teacher, tried (and failed) to become the manager of the bar, and took up with a man who had the morals of an alley cat and no compunction about kicking her to the curb. I could go on, but you get the picture.

Well, week before the last, she remembered that she used to write songs. She locked herself in the guest house and wrote (in longhand) all night long. I assumed she was writing a song. But no. She said she didn't know what she had written, but it fulfilled her and made her happy. She took her messy pages to the before mentioned English teacher for critique. He read it and pronounced it brilliant. This thrilled her because everybody knows that all 22 year old English teachers are the best judges of everything--especially if you have a sexual history with them. Anyway, she still didn't know what she had written. He told her it was a play and she had to finish it because it was so dazzling, not to mention clean and crisp.

Somewhere along the way The Guy stopped the DVR. He knew I needed to rant. He is tuned into me that way. It's either (A.) because we are like those blue people with our pigtails all wound up together or (B.) because I was doing that thing where I close my eyes, grit my teeth, shake my head really fast, and do jazz hands in the air.

"Go on," he said. "Get it out."

"Oh, yeah! That happens all the time. Writers just sit down and start writing with no idea if they are writing a book, a play, a song, a travel guide, a speech, or a eulogy for the Easter Bunny. They still don't know when they get done, but that's okay because it fulfilled them. Plus, they have an adolescent English teacher who will jump off his skateboard and set them straight. I cannot believe the stupidity of this. And what makes it worse is a writer—one who is getting paid—wrote this down and gave it to that woman to memorize!"

And then it came to me why I watch. Unlike Kathy and Cheryl, the sweet girls on this blog, but exactly like the other demon spawn, Stephanie, I like to make fun of people. I'm not proud of it and I try really hard not to. (It wasn't always that way but we are talking about the here and the now.) I decided to stop making fun of people because it's mean and I have plenty of shortcomings myself that people could pay me back with.

So that's it: I need these fools on TV to make fun of. It like a former smoker's bag of hard candy--not really a good thing but better than the alternative.

Do you have a vice you have to distract yourself from?

(Or--a vice from which you must distract yourself? Any skateboarding English teacher will tell you that's really the correct way to say it. I used to have a skateboard. That was before I had an English degree. One is about as good as the other in terms of making someone into a writer.)

Anyway—tell us about that vice and how you distract yourself.


  1. Oh, I too make fun of the people on television. On ABC news last night, a reporter earnestly reported that a Japanese town was completely submerged under water. Uh -- isn't that what SUBMERGED means? Did she in effect say the town was under water under water????

    So I made fun. And felt good about it.

  2. My name is Marilyn and I watch "Toddlers and Tiaras." My life has been so abnormal the past two years, I need to watch something to make it seem normal in comparison. T&T does that. If I think my apartment is cluttered and messy, I'll watch an episode of Hoarders. And I'm always yelling at women who walk down dark alleys on CSI/Law and Order/Criminal Minds/Other Cop Show.

    Email me privately and tell me what the he77 this show is cause it sounds like it might be a good one to add to my "Let's Make Marilyn's Life Seem Normal" list. ~grin~

  3. Maven Linda--Yeah, that's a good one. Like "completely saturated" and "most unique". It is or it ain't. News people should know better. Everyone should know better.

    Marilyn--I understand. I try to stay away from reality shows. The other night we were flipping through the channels because we were eating. (Yes, we eat dinner on TV trays. I've even stopped trying to justify it.) We were flipping because I needed to finish before we watched "Being Human". Love the show but I have a weak stomach. Anyway, there was "Sister Wives". I didn't mean to watch it. Really. But I did. And I find myself wondering what will happen next. I find myself wondering why any of them want that Bozo who seems to have nothing going for him except his fertility level.

    The show is "Parenthood".

  4. Hmmm, I will freely admit to loving some reality t.v. shows. Perhaps that is a vice unto itself. I like those Duggars (72 Kids and Counting) and I have even watched a Sister Wives marathon, but
    I especially enjoy the Real Housewives of Atlanta and New Jersey. They have been good for me because they have remided me that fashion is a very personal choice! Watching those Jersey Housewives revolutionized my wardrobe!

    As for being a devil spawn, I will only admit to perhaps!

  5. I just have to say that you are hilarious. I laughed out loud, snorted coke up my nose and then spewed it back again across my keyboard.

    I'm with Stephanie. I enjoy reality TV...I used to tell myself it was a valid form of case study and that I was just trying to broaden my horizons for character traits. That was a bunch of BS. I like to watch people who are crazier and more screwed up than I'll ever be. It makes me feel better about myself.


  6. Thanks for the laughs. "jazz hands in the air" :)

  7. I am not so nice Jean. I have just fooled you! LOL I agree with Maven Linda, I get mad at journalists. My peeve is "totally destroyed." Something is either destroyed or not - it is total. I really hate to hear a house is "totally destroyed" by fire. I don't watch much television - I get bored with it except for American Pickers, Pawn Stars, Ghost Hunters and Ghost Adventures. I also LOVE Supernatural and wish I were ,hmm, well a few years younger because those two guys are cute!

    Oh and PM won the coconut purse! I will be mailing it to her as soon as I can or if she'd let me know, I can just bring it to an HOD meeting.

  8. Stephanie, I don't know those real housewives but there was an episode of Bones about Guidos so I tried to watch Jersey Shore I didn't make it 15 minutes. I can't stand all the bleeping out.

    Insti--Thanks. Sorry bout your keyboard.

    Reina--And thank you for for stopping in!

    Cheryl--What is a Pawn Star?

  9. I am so late, but Jean, you KILL me! ROFL!!!! This is only part of the reason why I love you. :)

    Like Marilyn, I like T&T because I can't believe the jaw-dropping silliness of these pageant people. Make me feel normal.

    Off to snicker quietly to myself about skateboarding English teachers.....

  10. You are crazy funny, Jean. I thank you for having the confidence in me that I'm 'nice' but sometimes I'm not too sure. I, too, love to watch shows and make fun of them. I think South Park does a fantastic job at that, but hubby won't let me watch it. Too dirty. LOL!

    Cheryl, I love Supernatural and agree wholeheartedly with you about the Winchester brothers.

    Snicker: I've seen some interesting people lately and they weren't on t.v.

    What about this? They were "killed dead". That gets me every time and it comes from the local news channels.

  11. Lynn--You're never late. Besides, I know where you were earlier. It was important.

    Kathy--It sounds like you are dangerously close to making fun of real people. I can't believe it!