I Never Said I Was Perfect...

#RWA12 Mishaps Along The Way

If you ever wondered what qualifies me as a wacky writer, look no further than the daily mishaps in my life.  The RWA 2012 Conference is no exception.  It provided a boatload of material to draw from.  I may never write like Hemingway, but rest assured, I can entertain (and embarrass) myself  like a pro!  And hopefully you can laugh along with me, too.  So, without further adieu, my mishaps along the way at #RWA12…

As the flight between Huntsville and Dallas Ft. Worth came to a close, I was a bit disgruntled.  See, I was having a hard time concentrating on what Katherine Bone was saying to me with the music playing in the background.  I mean, geeze!  Couldn’t Whoever buy a clue that the pilot had turned on the no electronics light?  It was really annoying hearing the music play loudly while trying to talk over the already loud engines.  And we were about to land!   The longer it went on, the more aggravated I got.  Until the stewardess came over and asked Me to turn off the music.  I said…”Wha…?”  She knelt down next to my seat and said, “There’s music coming from your pocket!”  I was mortified!   And that’s how I learned that the “Airplane Mode” on my iPhone is not good enough for a plane ride.  

 My second day at conference was fully loaded with workshops.  It never occurred to me to look around the day before to familiarize myself with the lay of the land.  And so off I went to the first workshop session of the day, following the map to the selected room.  Or so I thought.  But it wasn’t there.  So I walked around a bit looking for the room.  Maybe I was in the wrong hallway.  No, not according to what I was seeing on the map.  So I walked right back to where I had not seen the room before.  Sadly, it was still not there.  The walking continued around the building for 45 minutes before I realized that I was looking at the map upside down.  Yes.  So sad, I know.  And no, I don’t have blonde hair.  But now I know, maps do not guarantee prompt arrival, but they can provide me with a much needed morning walk.  

One of the highlights of the week was Cinderella attending the ball.  Well, the Avon Party, at least.  RWA Librarian of the Year Mary Moore, Katherine Bone and I were transported to Newport Beach for the prestigious Avon Party.  We were decked out in our cocktail finery…little black dresses and pearls.  I had these cute little black sandals on with black organdy roses on the straps.  Upon our arrival at the restaurant, I slid down the stairs of the bus and landed with my right shoe up around my calf!  Gasp!  I could not go into that party with my shoe flapping!  Big Authors were in there!  No!  I just could not go in there barefooted, either!   But the girls pulled me along to the entrance where a light from heaven shown down around the hostess.  She thankfully retrieved a tube of fingernail glue from her purse (She must’ve been a Girl Scout!).  We glued my shoe back together, and then my foot stuck to the shoe, too!  I was in good shape until about twenty minutes before the party was over.  The shoe gave way and by that time I’d had so many smoky, bubbly, Lemon Drop Martinis that I just didn’t care anymore.  And thus, Cinderella left the ball barefooted.  It’s really a shame the hunky model “Mr. Fireman” wasn’t my Prince!  But I did get his phone number…for an interview down the line, of course! 

On the final evening in Anaheim, Katherine Bone and I high-tailed it out of the RITA Awards to snag a table in the bar.  We figured we’d text all our girlfriends to join us after we got there.  So we got a table in the back corner that was big enough for about ten to twelve people and the only person who joined us was Carla Swafford (because she loves to party with us!).  Anyway, before we knew it, Staci Weber and Sara Dailey showed up with their party and asked if they could share our table.  Sure!  Why not? So we scootchied up tight when the Boroughs Authors along with Editor-in-Chief Christopher Keeslar and CEO Michelle Klayman of Boroughs Publishing sat down with us to party all night long.  And party we did!  But guess what?  I learned a very important lesson that night sitting right in front of Mr. Keeslar.  When you’re short like me, wearing a very snug across the boobages evening gown and stuck into that sunken groove of too-many-having-sat-there-before-you in the banquette seating with feet dangling because they don’t reach the ground to lever yourself with…tall martini glasses filled with Lemon Drop Martinis do not angle well over said boobages.  In fact, they don’t angle at all!  I believe either Carla or Mr. Keeslar handed me a straw.  Can you say Martini Conundrum?  Perhaps that’s the reason Katherine learned her napkin trick…because I really could’ve used an origami napkin  bra.  

Have you ever had an in-air mishap?  Glued your foot to your shoe?  What about a martini....ever sucked one back through a straw? 

Ta Da! No Wand Necessary

I was recently at a Celebrate-Someone’s-Life-Event when my long-distance friend, Dancing Beauty, questioned me about wearing tiaras.  She questioned that I would wear one, that I have a whole collection of them.  And so I had to prove to her that it is in fact true.  I love, Love, LOVE tiaras!!!  

So here’s how the tiaras play out in my life.  My very first tiara ever was a lovely Cinderella Tiara that came with a Halloween costume when I was about four or five years old.  I recall wearing that costume and feeling like royalty for realz!  And of course, I wore that costume as a nightgown until it was threads.  I think the color was a bit off and instead of Cinderella Blue it was Periwinkle Blue.  Maybe that’s where I get the Periwinkle Obsession from?  Hmm.  I never thought of that before…..

The second tiara is one I bought for a Mommy-Daughter Dance that I took Clair to as a wee one.  It’s not very big, just enough to fit around a bun.  It’s not really very fancy either, but it has lovely memories attached to it.  I think I was tiara shy at this point in my life, scared somebody might see the real me.

Then there’s the Ya Ya Tiara that my sister-in-law (Golden Child) gave me when we went out for girls night.  It’s paper and totally childish, but wow was it fun to wear that night!  We got lots of attention!  I recall adult beverages.

Next is the Daisy Tiara which is again, small and simple but it stands high enough to make a statement.  And what a statement it makes!  Golden Child gave me this one too.  It’s the Daisy Tiara and she gave it to me when V was a toddler.  She said I had to wear it on bad days to remember who I really was.  I’m pretty sure V had spent a long weekend with her just before she gifted me.  V’s a bit high maintenance.  

But my favorite of all is the lovely Swirls Tiara which I wore for the beauty pageant.  I was Miss Kentucky.  Not really.  It was the Murder Mystery Beauty Pageant with the HOD girls.  But let me tell you!  When I put that tiara on, I AM a Queen!  I don’t know what’s so special about it, but it makes my inner Queen Lesia come out and have fun!  Finally!  I have found the right tiara for me.  This is the one I wear when I write “The End” to celebrate.  This is the one I wear when I need that something special like when we all honored Beverly Barton with our bling. It is my Harry Potter’s Wand, my Golden Ticket, my Glass Slipper.  It makes me feel like the real me!

There may be other tiaras in my future, I’m not sure.  But for now I am happy and content with the bling I have.  I keep them in my office to remind me that beautiful dreams DO come true.  And my beautiful dreams involve Heroes and Heroines!  Every Heroine should have at least one tiara, don’t you agree?  And we’re each and every one of us the star of our own story!  

Have you found your right tiara?  Does your tiara make you feel like the Queen you are?