Oh, No You Didn't!

I am a hypocrite. I try not to be, but doesn't everyone? No one gets up in the morning and says, "Boy, I have got to have a break from being non-hypocritical. I am going to give myself permission to be as hypocritical as I want this weekend. I'll get right back on the non-hypocritical program first thing Monday morning."

There are two things in particular that I am a little ashamed of. It's only a little because I don't break the law and I'm polite in my hypocrisy—though I am thankful people can't hear what's going on in my head. You should all be thankful too. It's not always unicorns and lemon icebox pie in there.

Anyway.

First, there's that YouTube Business. I don't like for people to make me watch YouTube videos. I especially don't like to have a cell phone shoved in my face, as someone says, "Watch this! It's so funny!" Then inevitably, I've got to watch a baby dancing or a dog dressed up like a clown.

Yet, I do it to other people. All the time. Not the cell phone part. If you know anything about me, you know I don't have a smart phone.

I do, however, have a tablet. Better still, my big football watching TV has the ability to broadcast YouTube. If you are in my upstairs sitting room, you are at my mercy. I know I should not do this, especially given my aversion to watching lizards molt to the tune something by Pink Floyd. I suppose, in those moments, I think I am The One who should be in charge of choosing entertainment for the world at large.

I want EVERYBODY to watch:

• Commercials with Peyton and Eli Manning. Better yet, the ones with Archie as well.
• The Proctor and Gamble Olympic commercial, To Their Moms, They'll Always be Kids
  
• Marquis Maze's TD Pass against Florida in 2010
• Redstone Drug Rehab
• Marcel Darius's touchdown in the 2009 National Championship game
• Every Mayhem commercial ever made
• Highlights of Julio Jones's college football career
• My cousin winning a lot of money on Who Wants to be a Millionaire
  

I deserve to be ashamed. You will notice that I have given you the links. I could not stop myself.

The second thing in my Hypocrisy Hall of Fame: I dislike overused phrases only a little less than watching (on a cell phone) a groom split his pants as he kneels at the altar. But I am guilty, guilty, guilty. I am not going to enumerate the phrases I dislike, since this is confession day.

These are things I say over and over and over again to the tenth degree and beyond:

• "At the end of day. . . "
• "I see no future in trying to rise above it."
• "I'll tell you this for nothing."
• "I thought my head was going to leave my body."
• "Oh my dear God in heaven."
• "It's okay with me if it's okay with her."
• "He doesn’t know whether to s**t or go blind.
  

Yeah. I am especially proud of that last one—yet it rolls off my tongue on a regular basis.

Is there anything you are hypocritical about? What overused phrase do you dislike? YouTube? Love or hate it?