Why is there Hair Everywhere?

Aside from still suffering the effects of the flu, I feel like I am trying to cough up a furball. Those of you with cats can understand. I currently have four cats, a Sheltie (these dogs have an undercoat and a top coat), a dastardly Doberman (who’s hair sticks like Velcro) and a mutt who sheds like the Sheltie. I do groom all the animals but that just doesn’t seem to do the trick. I am constantly chasing fur-covered dust bunnies around the house. I love my animals but I have killed four vacuum cleaners in the last two years. And, the vacuum cleaners don’t seem to work on the furniture, even with that attachment thingey which spins to remove the hair. Stubborn hair! It sticks to the cloth and makes my life miserable. I have tried those roller things that are supposed to remove pet hair but they don’t get it all and they get expensive around here.

Recently, I ran across an article about removing pet hair from furniture which I immediately laughed at then I looked at it more closely. The first suggestion was the use of a statically-charged balloon. That worked like a charm. The Dobie thought it was a big ball and he got the surprise of his life when it exploded in his mouth. Then he swallowed it, necessitating a large dose of Peroxide to get it back up. Bigger mess than I had before. I didn’t even try the tennis ball the article suggested because all the dogs think that tennis balls are the best toys since my Clarks. Then the article suggested Velcro curlers. Really? How many of those would I need to use and how do you get the hair out of them? Didn’t make a lot of sense to me; besides, I needed them for my hair, can’t sacrifice volume. The next one was using fabric softener sheets. All that did was leave deposits of tiny pieces of paper and made a definite oily-looking sheen on the fabric. Thanks for that, by the way (I also smelled fabric softener for days which is okay at first but after a while you kind of get queasy). Packing tape was next (during my days as a prosecutor I would use tape on my suit in a pinch before court so this made sense). However, the tape just didn’t last long enough to do the job and it starting sticking to the cloth. Great, more spots. The final suggestion was wearing a pair of rubber gloves, slightly damp, and running your hand over the furniture. Amazingly this worked! The only problem was having to constantly run and clean the gloves. Plus you can’t get them too wet or you run the risk of releasing the fabric softener vapors.

There was one final suggestion – vacuuming your pet. That was to prevent the fur from even reaching the furniture. Yeah, right. I would like for someone to volunteer holding my twenty pound Abyssynian mix for me to vacuum. I don’t think the blood banks would have enough for the necessary transfusions. And the Dobie? He already thinks the vacuum cleaner is an intruder that clearly must be destroyed at all costs. He’s bitten the wheels off of more than one canister vacuum. Triumphantly he parades around the house with the wheel, showing everyone how he has conquered the noisy sucker thing. I love my animals but this hair ball seems to be getting worse. Maybe I can borrow the Catlax…

Do you have pets? How do you deal with the hair and dustbunnies? Any suggestions, aside from no pets, about keeping up with the mess?