This should not need to be written, but it does. Anyone who doesn't have enough sense to grasp these basic 
concepts ought to be banned from every theater in the United States. Maybe in foreign countries too but that doesn't affect me. When I am in another country, I do not go to the movies. (Nor do I eat at American chain restaurants or expect to be able to buy diet Mountain Dew and have salad dressing. But that's another blog.)
Back to this movie thing.
1. Get there on time and shut up. You might not care about the previews but I do.
2. Go the restroom before you come in. I will forgive you for tripping all over my feet once but I won't forgive you twice.
3. If you don't understand the plot, don't ask a lot of questions of your friends. In fact, don't ask any questions. Shut up. When you get home, read about it on the internet.
4. You notice I said, "When you get home". Do not whip out that smart phone for any reason. You may think texting and looking up the movie plot won't bother anyone but you are flashing it in my eyes and I don't like it.
5. In fact, turn that phone off. If you cannot make yourself do that—and so many cannot, it seems—leave it at home. If you can't do either of those things, stay home with it.
6. Do not bring your preschooler to an adult movie. I have no interest in having him cry, talk, and kick the back of my seat.
7. By the same token, if you are an adult and choose to go to a children's movie at two o'clock on Saturday afternoon, expect crying, talking, and kicking. Take it with good grace. You're on their turf now.
8. If it's a musical, don't sing along. If the public wanted to hear you, you would have been cast.
9. And could you please wait until you get all the way out into the lobby to turn your phone on and start reading and replying to those very important text messages that you received in the last 214 minutes? I mean, I know they're important. Your 23 BFFs had to let you know that, OMG, they are ROFLMAO at the picture of the duck riding a Great Dane that you sent them earlier and you need to give them a VBS back. But you see, chances are excellent that I need to go to the restroom since I haven't tromped down the aisle over your feet and you are slowing me down. DUGI?
10. If you are on a first date with a person you met on the internet, do us all a favor and go to Starbucks instead. I don't want to hear you try to build a relationship in two hours.
11. If I haven't made it clear yet:
Not you, of course, and certainly not here.
These can't be all the rules. Do you have some?
Good Rules Jean! I agree with all of them. People seem to forget their manners in the darkness of a movie theatre. In line with number 6, I also would say: Adults should keep their feet on the floor and not on the seat in front of them. That irritates me when people put their feet on the back of the seat next to me. I definitely do not want to see their dirty tennis shoes or bare feet in flip-flops!
ReplyDeleteJean, you nailed it. The big one is SHUT UP! I'm not there to here a running commentary on what someone thinks about the plot, the cinematography, the dialogue, the characters, your politics, or any freakin' thing else. I refuse to go the a movie with my sister because she's one of those people who just will not shut up. And I told her so. Even if she's whispering to me, she's interrupting my focus on the movie.
ReplyDeleteCheryl--Ah, yes. Nothing like looking over and seeing a foot by your side. Kind of ruins the popcorn moment, doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteLinda--Yes, that's the big one, but so many seem to think it only applies to other people. I don't go to the movies for sport, like with I was a teenager. I go to movies I want to see--and hear.
I'm so impressed that you put that glittery thing on your post - so you. I have one more rule - if someone asks you nicely to stop (whatever annoying thing you are doing) don't roll your eyes at them. They might kick your ass right there in the movie house.
ReplyDeleteI love your lists and this one is a winner in my book. I agree 100% with everything you said. Proper movie theater etiquette, along with good manners in general, seems to have gradually disappeared over the years. Call me old fashioned, but I long for the revival of that quickly vanishing practice once known as common courtesy.
ReplyDeleteOF--Another rule. If you must have a brawl in the theater limit it to the lobby. Also No Eye Rolling needs to be on the list of general no-nos.
ReplyDeleteBeverly--You and me both. Cell phone use is a particular hot button with me. I would do a list of rules but I'm afraid I wouldn't have many friends left.
This may all seem a little sanctimonious for someone who did not illustrate that she knows the difference in "aisle" and "isle". Don't go looking for it. I fixed it.
ReplyDeleteI remain humbled and chagrined. oh, who am I kidding? You know I'm not.
Best blog ever. Seriously. It needs to be a poster-sized inclusion in every theatre.
ReplyDeleteGwen--That would be great. The only thing I like better than passing judgment and bossing people around is doing it in public by written word.
ReplyDeleteI know that like most of these rules, it should go without saying, but no making out. Seriously, I saw a couple making out in the middle of the theater recently here in Jasper. Not sort kissing or cuddling but hands in clothes! Ick!!
ReplyDeleteStephanie--I don't know how I forgot that. I guess it's been a long time since I've seen it. But, then, I have never been the movies in Jasper.
ReplyDeleteSomeone must have tested Ms. Jean's rules recently. ;)
ReplyDeleteCrazy cool rules, Jean!
Adendum to rule #6: If there is an R rating, or even a PG 13 rating these days, don't bring your kids. Chances are they will be exposed to something you don't want them to be exposed to. Cuss words are even in PG movies nowadays. Geez!
Kathy--It's been building for years. It is good of you to think of what is appropriate for children. I was concentrating on my movie experience. This further illustrates that you are good and I am bad.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, cell phones in the movie house. Some seem to think that if they text it's okay. As you said, it is not. The screen glows and is distracting. If you can't live without your cell phone for the duration of a movie, you need to spend your money on a good psychologist and not cell phone service and movies.
ReplyDeleteOf course, I love this!! Couldn't have stressed the points more strongly myself. Do you think there's someway we could post these at the theaters?! Haha:) Fantastic blog!
ReplyDeleteUh oh, I'm in trouble. I sit on the aisle because no matter what, I probably will have to go at least once during the movie. And I use my phone to figure out when the best time to go is. There's an app called RunPee and it tells you when to go. I consult it before the movie starts and try to remember, but sometimes I forget. But I do agree with these rules (though please make exceptions for tiny bladders!). ;)
ReplyDelete