MUST SANTA CLAUS RIDE A CHICKEN?

I recently saw a teapot that depicted Santa Claus riding a chicken. Considering how much it cost, I am sure it must have been art but I did not understand it. I've spent a lot of energy wondering about this chicken-turned-steed and its jolly old rider. Is Santa a teeny tiny man on scale with a chicken? If so, how does he carry all the Ultimate Buzz Lightyears and Halo games? Or is Santa normal sized (bell ringing beside the Salvation Army pot variety) and is the chicken super sized to accommodate him? If so, I do not want to meet it. Some of you may remember my blog about how creepy I think giant insects are, so you can just imagine my opinion of a giant chicken. If Santa has got to ride something other than a sleigh, what's wrong with a reindeer? I know reindeer are not really for riding but it's not like chickens are either. And the most important question of all: Did some teapot designer just get up one morning and say, "I'm gonna whip me up a chicken with Santa on its back. It will do wonders for the Earl Grey."?

It's a mystery. Much in life is. I'm going to segue now. Stick with me, here. It will make sense—or at least as much sense as Santa Claus riding a chicken.

I am happy to report that Stephanie and I have all our requested submissions signed, sealed, and delivered. That means we can work on the story that is whipping around in our heads. While the story is not a football story, the hero is a football coach so some football terminology comes into play. I have begun to wonder if non-football fans will understand the terminology. I think it's possible they will. I don't dance ballet but up know the meaning of barre, plie, and pointe—more or less, at least enough that I could read a book about dancers and not be lost. But I am worried that a reader might not understand our story, much like I cannot understand that blasted taxicab chicken and Mr. Claus.

So I'm going to ask for a little help here. Below is a list of football terms. If you don't follow football, tell us if you have a nodding acquaintance with them. You don't have to tell what they mean. It isn't a test. (If you do follow football, tell us the weirdest thing you've seen lately. Try to top that teapot.) There will be a prize.

The terms:

Wideout

QB-1

SEC

First and ten

Blitz

Redshirt

In the pocket

Blackout

SEC

NFL

PAT

WHAT ARE YOU READING?

Cheryl is reading: Having Patience by Debra Glass

Kathy is reading: Jane Slayre by Charlotte Bronte and Sherri Browning Erwinby and is on the hunt for Mansfield Park and Mummies by Jane Austen and Vera Nazarian

Jean is reading Rhett Butler's People by Donald McCaig

Stephanie is reading: Midnight Crystal by Jayne Castle

What are you reading?

How Hot Do You Like It?

Saturday Jean and I talked with some of our friends about writing sex scenes. Some folks have a difficult time writing spicy sex scenes. I am sure there are as many different reasons for being uncomfortable about this as there are writers. Early on Jean and I had to come to agreement about how "hot" the scenes we were going to include in our books would be.

I read everything from sex-free inspirational books to erotica so hot it actually has a warning on the outside cover. Jean has a fairly wide reading range as well but says she usually just skims those sections. That said, when it came to writing sex scenes we found that we wanted to have it spice sometimes and sweet others. We also decided that we wanted the most important element of the sexy scenes we write to be the emotions involved.

When we first started writing Jean sent me some pages with a sex scene in it and I called her and said, "It isn't enough. Turn the heat up on it and send it back to me." So in a day or so I got another one. Still not steamy enough so I called again and said, "Turn it up a notch. It needs more heat." So in a couple of days I got another revision and read it. After I took the ice off of my eyeballs, I called her back and said, "Whoa!!! Dial it back." Then we finally got it just spicy enough to suit us. Ok, to suit me.

I find myself reading spice scenes differently now that we write them. I try to analyze what makes them work or fall flat. I believe that they are some of the most difficult scenes that we write.

How hot do you like your sex/love scenes to be? Is it different when you read them from when you write them?

Slayre or Savior of Literature

I’m intrigued by history, enraptured by classical music, fed and entertained by romantic literature and movies. My psyche has been nurtured by Mozart, Beethoven, Michael Jackson, New Wave and Rap. In college, I was forced to listen to Bob Dylan during drawing class and to this day I can’t stand to hear his music, though I do a mean impression. In art school, during a printmaking class, a kid from Oklahoma City swept in disrupting everything I knew about the wonderful land of Rapper's Delight. At first, I thought he was odd, cute but a little off. Then as the days wore on and I saw the caliber of art he produced, I soon grew to respect him and the music he played while creating his phenomenal art pieces. You see, this kid touched me in a new and vibrant way. He brought a miraculous wonder into my life, music by the B-52’s and The Police. This New Wave swept in from Europe and took America, this kid, and me, by storm. The effects of my new appreciation for music soon reflected in my art.

Today we face another kind of invasion, an invasion of literature. Jane Eyre, Little Women, Pride & Prejudice and Sense & Sensibility are beloved by young and old alike. In these books, a woman/or women struggle to find love and fulfillment. The reader knows ahead of time that love will be found and a happily ever after achieved. Believed to be the first romance books of their time, these books examined women who had little control over their lives or destinies. The storylines reflected a woman’s mind-set and proved to demonstrate a woman’s intelligence and the kind of devotion that outweighed the pressures of society and a man’s expectations. With characters and places artfully woven into these unforgettable stories, these ‘romance’ books broker no question as to longevity on bookstore shelves or in libraries throughout the world. Can anything shake these literary foundations?

Romance genres have shifted over the years from the 'old bodice rippers' to erotica. Readers thought they'd seen it all until… horror and literary passion combined like chocolate and peanut butter. Thanks to Twilight, the four book series by Stephanie Meyer, and our love for the strange and macabre, the door has opened for a caliber of books otherwise shunned, the rewritten classic. Today, there is a surprising transference of genres, reminding the literary world that Edgar Allan Poe had a great idea brewing back in the late 1800’s with The Pit and the Pendulum and The Fall of the House of Usher.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith started it all.


Soon it was joined by Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters by Jane Austen and Ben H.Winters


Mr. Darcy Vampyre by Amanda Grange hit the shelves


Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Slayer


Jane Slayre by Charlotte Bronte and Sherri Browning Erwin

Little Vampire Women by Louisa May Alcott and Lynn Messina



Queen Victoria, Demon Hunter by A E Morat



Arriving in October: Jane of the Damned by Janet Mullany

Now millions of people can enjoy classics like Emma and the Werewolves, Mansfield Park and Mummies, the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and Zombie Jim, Robin Hood and Friar Tuck Zombie Killers, Android Karenina and The Undead World of Oz. These literary works aren’t for the slight of heart. In each book, your favorite character not only has to overcome prejudice, passion, society or injustice, but he/she has a destiny to fulfill, saving the world and ridding it of the undead. What more can you ask for? ;)

Do you enjoy this new literary craze? If so, which books would you like to see turned into a Zombie/Vampire/Werewolf novel? If you could make a literary work into a book of the undead, which book would you chose and why? And which undead breed do you prefer?

Commercials - Are We Stupid? Someone Thinks We Are.

I got up yesterday morning, bleary-eyed from too much sleep (for once in my life) and flipped on the television to watch the early morning news. I grabbed my coffee and sat down at the kitchen table to simply zone out until I became human. The local news was on and I paid some attention to it as I drank my coffee. Then came the commercials….

The first one was for a local podiatrist. Ick! She had a picture of all sorts of foot ailments right there in front of my eyes at 4:30 in the morning! The advertisement ended with some person’s face on the bottom of a pair of feet thanking the doctor. I nearly lost my coffee! Then I was subjected to a round of car commercials SCREAMING at me to buy their car. I have never heard such horrible Southern accents! Do these guys all go to a school to learn how to talk like that?

I started thinking of all the commercials that really irritate me and the number is great, growing at an exponential rate. There are those for male problems with a couple sitting in bathtubs in the middle of nowhere (Now why would they do that? And where are their clothes?) Or the ones about medicine which list so many side effects you wonder why they are advertising at all – hey if you take this drug for a minor skin ailment you can end up with organ failure! Gee, that makes me want to take that drug! And then, there are the political ads…need I say more? All of them are alike – the guys are hunters, with guns, and a great family – how do we choose? Are they clones? How about the sandwich shop ads with those little kittens? Creeps me out! Or the stupid guy on the roof holding a golf club while eating a hamburger in the middle of a thunderstorm? Why would that make me buy their hamburger? Because they say it’s the smart thing to do? (I don’t get their logic) I could go on but Jean would stop me.

There are some ads that are funny and some that are serious. I like the little gecko because he’s smart and has a dry wit. Or the one where the guys have been to a bachelor party and have a killer whale in the back – I laugh every time because it never gets old. Why can’t advertisers use some intellect when they write their commercials? I realize that I have an off button on my remote but I simply wanted to watch the news! I also know that advertisements are how the stations pay for their airtime. But I also know that after a while those very ads insult me and make me wonder why I got up in the first place. Seriously, do these people really think most of us are that stupid?

So, what do you think of advertisements on television? Are there any that you particularly dislike or even like?

AN ORDERLY NEST

There's no question about it—I function better when my house is tidy and clean. Not only do I have a better mental attitude, life just plain works more efficiently when I know where the Scotch tape is and my cds are put away in alphabetical order. Before I quit my day job, I hired the cleaning done, but I can't justify it now. Besides, I do a better job—that is, when I do it. Since I've started writing, I do not run the tight ship I used to run, though I know good and well I write better and am happier when my nest is in order.

And believe me, The Guy does not care. If there were dust bunnies knee deep and newspapers stacked to the ceiling, he would not be concerned so long as he could get to the television. He only wants a few domestic things out of me: an ironed shirt, milk, and a dinner plan. He doesn't even care if dinner is home cooked. We can go out, order in, drive through, microwave leftovers, or heat up Mrs. Paul's fish fillets. He just doesn't want to have to think of the plan. And that's not a lot to ask considering I never pump gas, clean the litter box, or pay a bill. Sometimes I wish he did care; it might be a little extra incentive.

Right now, I feel great because my surroundings are in order. In the last week I've had people in to watch a ball game and hosted my book club. Since our TV room is upstairs and I have book club downstairs, I was forced to bring order to both stories. I even washed the knickknacks and crystal. This weekend, because I knew I was going home to a pleasant clean home, I had a better time at Precious Angel's football game, the Heart of Dixie meeting, and at Mrs. Classy's house where I went to watch the Crimson Tide cream Penn State. I even worshiped better at church Sunday morning.

I am going to try very hard to maintain the status quo. I know if I will just take a few hours on Monday mornings for housekeeping, the house will be in good shape for the rest of the week because we just aren’t that messy. When a character calls to me, I am going to try and say, "Hold that thought; I can serve you better if I can just do these few things."

We’ll see how it works out. But this whole experience begs the question: Why do I not consistently do this one easy thing that makes my life work so much better?

How about you? Do you do the things that make your life work better? Does the order of your surroundings affect your work and attitude?

WHAT ARE YOU READING?

Kathy is reading: The Smuggler and the Society Bride by Julia Justiss.

Cheryl is reading: Shattered by Joan Johnston.

Stephanie is reading: Hard to Handle by Lori Foster and the SEC Preview Sports Illustrated

Jean is reading: Hedge Fund Wives by Tatiana Boncompagni.

What are you reading?